I’m bummed out because I wasn’t able to finish that poem thingy that I started the other day. I have no idea why but I just wasn’t able to get into it. No matter what state of mind I was able to shoot into my vein.  So instead of lingering on it I scrapped the whole damn thing, I started another one and got a lot further with it, if I could find it that is.

That poem was supposed to be about two objects of my desire, love for a girl and the love for my drug, and the struggle to choose between the two. I haven’t felt that way and while and I found it difficult to get into that frame of mind. The next time my brain starts functioning that way again maybe I will finish it off.

I don’t like the fact that all  this poetry that I write (or at least attempt to write) these days is always concerning a will topics like love, or love  related subjects, it’s really quite God damn annoying. I guess it’s understandable because only thing that’s been on my mind for the last couple of years is Janice and how strongly I love(d?) her and how she could not reciprocate that love.   It has had a substantial impact on me and my thinking. I guess I have made that pretty apparent by now, huh?

Anyway, this whole situation is still getting to me, I mean I still think about it every day, I know I should be over her by now but I just can’t. No matter how  I try, or how many times I tell myself “just forget about it, forget about her” and I still love her, I do. I am however glad to admit that I am not still bitter about her not wanting to be with me. I have come to accept the fact that I love her and I probably always will love her. But she is something that I can never have. She doesn’t want me or anything like me. If anything ever does happen between us, I will go with it and having the happiest, most filled man alive, but I’m not to spend time wishing, hoping and praying.

So it is settled then… I love her.