{"id":73,"date":"2005-12-05T12:57:57","date_gmt":"2005-12-05T04:57:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/?p=73"},"modified":"2021-04-21T10:20:40","modified_gmt":"2021-04-21T02:20:40","slug":"may-11th-1998-the-second-attempt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/2005\/12\/05\/may-11th-1998-the-second-attempt\/","title":{"rendered":"May 11th 1998: The Second Attempt"},"content":{"rendered":"<div>\n<p>When I tried to get clean the last time it was, to say the least, a miserable and utter failure. Today I am going to give it a second shot. I realize now that the reason I failed the last time is because I was quitting for a whole bunch of reasons other than to actually want to be clean. I was quitting because I knew it was the right thing to do, or for people like James and Chris who kept pressuring me about it every day but it was never because I wanted to quit.<\/p>\n<p>Well times have changed, now I think I genuinely want to quit. And not for anyone else or because I society tells me it\u2019s the right thing to do but for me. I don\u2019t want to live my entire life dependent on some chemical, not being able to any normal, inane daily activity without it. No, I don\u2019t want to live my life like that, not anymore, having to do heroin just so I can sleep at night and wake up in the morning\u2026 no.<\/p>\n<p>Also, am I so weak? Am I so weak that I can\u2019t stop taking this fucking drug no matter how much I want to stop? I think I\u2019m stronger than that, I should be able to take control of my life, not hand it over to some fine white powder. It has to stop. I have to be able to live some semblance of and to take part in its routine activities without this drug.<\/p>\n<p>So today I am heading back to the methadone clinic for my dose of sticky green punch and I am going to keep going every single until I\u2019m off this shit forever.<\/p>\n<p>But first I need just one more hit. `<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When I tried to get clean the last time it was, to say the least, a miserable and utter failure. Today I am going to give it a second shot. I realize now that the reason I failed the last time is because I was quitting for a whole bunch of reasons other than to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,16,17,28,30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-73","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-clean","category-maintenence","category-methadone","category-story","category-weakness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=73"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":95,"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73\/revisions\/95"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=73"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=73"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=73"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}