It\u2019s getting hard these days, the writing. I\u2019ve found recently that I am unable to find the motivation for it. It seems that I have lost my ability for it. Last night I sat down at my desk for nearly an hour trying to put pen to paper but all that came out was incoherent babbling.<\/p>\n
I just sat at first, whatever it was I was jotting down could hardly be considered language and after that hour all I had was basically a blank page. I guess what it is they say about me in school is true I am the great procrastinator.<\/p>\n
Also I think this methadone is affecting my brain. I mentioned before how phony sobriety has left me empty. But more so than that I find that I just don\u2019t care. I don\u2019t care to write how I used to and even when I try all that comes out is drivel that clearly shows this cavernous void in the pit of my stomach.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s either that I don\u2019t care or maybe it is as I had once feared and my consumption of drugs over these years has begun to rot my brain. I remember when I was 15 I was able to spurt out flowing prose as if at will. Now I feel like I couldn\u2019t put together a coherent sentence to save my life.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know, maybe I\u2019m just too self conscious, I never just write, I always try to make it funny, witty or have some grand scheme about life conveyed through my words. Maybe that\u2019s just it then, my brain is fine I just need to work on my conscience.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It\u2019s getting hard these days, the writing. I\u2019ve found recently that I am unable to find the motivation for it. It seems that I have lost my ability for it. Last night I sat down at my desk for nearly an hour trying to put pen to paper but all that came out was incoherent […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,28,33],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-59","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-methadone","category-story","category-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=59"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=59"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=59"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/patmorais.com\/themonkey\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=59"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}